to those who knocked me back

A letter, to those in my past who knocked me back. Today, 05th October 2014, I sit here, on this stormy night, as the wind blows in gusts around the house. The rain for now has relented, but whether that stays, is another matter. The winds that blow round the house, I suppose, are a testament to how I am feeling at this present time. All these years, I have tried, and tried to do all I am interested in; tried to pass examinations in what I enjoy, for example music, drama, GCSE history, specifically the history of medicine, geography, the module on volcanoes and geology, for example plate tectonics, but all those, I was forbidden to do, under circumstances that could have been changed. My dreams, at first of being a language interpreter, were quashed by careers advisors, my dreams of becoming a singer and heading off to music college, crushed as I would not have the grades, or independence to do so, and the pure fact, no-one, in my school, well, support staff, wanted me to pursue them. I went to The Isle of Man college, and what job prospects were there for me? Office work. I would sit for days on end, imagining me going off to music conservatory, achieving my dream to become a singer, singing on world wide stages, but then realising, that, would never happen, not for now anyway. There was only one other way to go to try and fight for it, and that, was to leave home, for the UK, in order to gain independence skills. As you know from previous blog entries, that was eventful, and ended in disaster. I had failed ASLevels, gained one diploma in ICT, equivalent to 2 ALevels I think, and an A in Spanish GCSE, as well as an NVQ in Spanish. Yes, yes, they are all very well and good, but what did I really want? Degrees, qualifications, letters after my name. I wanted to be recognised, and prove to those, whom I was thought of as, not that great at anything, which I have to admit, I was a bit of a rebel in my school days, i was better than that. I was good at languages, but the traveling to a mainstream university, and staying in student digs, would not be what I wanted, as I feel insecure about drunk behaviour, and because of my epilepsy diagnosis, and being totally blind. Also, there’s the fact of being away from the Isle of Man, the small haven of safety. This, was where it was time for the Open University to make its grand entrance. So if this was the way I would go, then so be it. I may not be recognised for some things, but there were unknown talents I had cropping up at Hereford, that I failed to see. Apparently I had the “gift for psychology” ? Gift for psychology? I never thought of it. I was able to help people when they were upset, I’d been to counselling myself, but that was something I practically scoffed at when I was in Hereford. “Me? Counselling? No!” was always my response. That however, has now changed. I’m starting my first module, on a BSC(Hons) degree, in Psychology with counselling, and eventually would love to help people with neurological conditions. Yesterday, as the clock struck midnight, I sat, a mixture of emotions going through me. I was always told, I’d never reach university standard, and here I am. I sometimes feel like crying. I’m a university student. So, to those who knocked me back, tried to put spanners in my wheels, I will walk on that stage, I will gain that graduation cap, and gown, and I, for the next 6 years, will work, and not let anything, stand in my way! I will not be pushed down, will not be told I cannot do something, I will do it! and there’s no stopping me! It won’t be easy, there will be storms, even earthquakes, and maybe tsunamis, but I intend to get through it all! and come out, with those letters at the end, and go on to do more qualifications, in order to get to where I want to go. I have no sight, I am epileptic, but I will work, and I am proud to be disabled…


About samantha ash

I'm 24 years old, totally blind, and suffer from Epilepsy, which is controlled. My interests include Neurology, Psychology, anything to do with the weather, and other documentaries. I am also a classical singer, though not professional. I am studying towards a degree in Neuropsychology at University of Central Lancashire. I wish eventually, to pursue a career in neurorehabilitation, or in neuropsychology, in order to help those who have sustained traumatic brain injuries, Acquired Brain injuries, stroke, and other neurological conditions. I wish to help them to cope psychologically too, and help them to see the positive side to the life that they have now. As someone with a disability myself, I wish to tell those, "Do not say that you cannot do something. I do not wish to hear that. I wish to hear that you can, and you will succeed." If you enjoy what I post on here, feel free to comment, or contact me on or feel free to like my facebook page. Enjoy reading. :)
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s