Am I becoming more self aware?

Tomorrow, I restart my swimming lessons, which I am half looking forward too. I say “half” because I know, I will be finishing off the work I started the week before, which was when my anxiety levels peeked… I think I know what’s triggering the anxiety levels to rise, if I break it down though:

•I overthink things.

•I anticipate things that may happen, or in reality, will not happen. Example: that the instructor will let go of me suddenly, without warning, and I will float off somewhere, ending up out of my depth.

This causes my breathing and heart rate to both increase, and me to burst into tears, but why?? I know that both the above things would not happen, and if my instructor was to let go, she would warn me, but that in turn, would increase my anxiety also. I wish I knew the answer, as to why I overthink things, anticipate things, and why I can’t be rational. I am being rational at the moment, but tomorrow, just watch, when the time comes, all rationalities will disappear, within seconds. I need to calm down, to slow my breathing down, to focus on my actions, not reactions, and what the consequences of completing the action in a positive manner will be, being that it will be a rewarding outcome, as I will have achieved, and conquered one more part of the fear that I have. I’m starting to read books and listen to documentaries about Carl Rogers, and listening carefully to his views. Asking myself, do I possess some of the traits he’s trying to work on with clients? Meaning, Do I live life to the full for example? Referring to a quote he made somewhere. Do I need to be more aware of myself? Yes, I do, and with the more I read, the more aware I am becoming. Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? That’s a rhetorical question I suppose, and can be answered. Let’s see how tomorrow goes, and I will write a reflection blog post on it.


About samantha ash

I'm 24 years old, totally blind, and suffer from Epilepsy, which is controlled. My interests include Neurology, Psychology, anything to do with the weather, and other documentaries. I am also a classical singer, though not professional. I am studying towards a degree in Neuropsychology at University of Central Lancashire. I wish eventually, to pursue a career in neurorehabilitation, or in neuropsychology, in order to help those who have sustained traumatic brain injuries, Acquired Brain injuries, stroke, and other neurological conditions. I wish to help them to cope psychologically too, and help them to see the positive side to the life that they have now. As someone with a disability myself, I wish to tell those, "Do not say that you cannot do something. I do not wish to hear that. I wish to hear that you can, and you will succeed." If you enjoy what I post on here, feel free to comment, or contact me on or feel free to like my facebook page. Enjoy reading. :)
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2 Responses to Am I becoming more self aware?

  1. Jill liley says:

    Hi Samantha, there is an app may help you with your anxiety. It’s called Headspace. It’s a ten minute meditation and you might find it useful. Good Jack concurring your fears, it ‘ain’t easy, but worth the struggle 😊.


    Jill xx

    Sent from my iPad



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