Am I becoming more self aware?

Tomorrow, I restart my swimming lessons, which I am half looking forward too. I say “half” because I know, I will be finishing off the work I started the week before, which was when my anxiety levels peeked… I think I know what’s triggering the anxiety levels to rise, if I break it down though:

•I overthink things.

•I anticipate things that may happen, or in reality, will not happen. Example: that the instructor will let go of me suddenly, without warning, and I will float off somewhere, ending up out of my depth.

This causes my breathing and heart rate to both increase, and me to burst into tears, but why?? I know that both the above things would not happen, and if my instructor was to let go, she would warn me, but that in turn, would increase my anxiety also. I wish I knew the answer, as to why I overthink things, anticipate things, and why I can’t be rational. I am being rational at the moment, but tomorrow, just watch, when the time comes, all rationalities will disappear, within seconds. I need to calm down, to slow my breathing down, to focus on my actions, not reactions, and what the consequences of completing the action in a positive manner will be, being that it will be a rewarding outcome, as I will have achieved, and conquered one more part of the fear that I have. I’m starting to read books and listen to documentaries about Carl Rogers, and listening carefully to his views. Asking myself, do I possess some of the traits he’s trying to work on with clients? Meaning, Do I live life to the full for example? Referring to a quote he made somewhere. Do I need to be more aware of myself? Yes, I do, and with the more I read, the more aware I am becoming. Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? That’s a rhetorical question I suppose, and can be answered. Let’s see how tomorrow goes, and I will write a reflection blog post on it.

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About samantha ash

I'm 24 years old, totally blind, and suffer from Epilepsy, which is controlled. My interests include Neurology, Psychology, anything to do with the weather, and other documentaries. I am also a classical singer, though not professional. I am studying towards a degree in Neuropsychology at University of Central Lancashire. I wish eventually, to pursue a career in neurorehabilitation, or in neuropsychology, in order to help those who have sustained traumatic brain injuries, Acquired Brain injuries, stroke, and other neurological conditions. I wish to help them to cope psychologically too, and help them to see the positive side to the life that they have now. As someone with a disability myself, I wish to tell those, "Do not say that you cannot do something. I do not wish to hear that. I wish to hear that you can, and you will succeed." If you enjoy what I post on here, feel free to comment, or contact me on samanthaash1993@gmail.com or feel free to like my facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/alifewithoutsight Enjoy reading. :)
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2 Responses to Am I becoming more self aware?

  1. Jill liley says:

    Hi Samantha, there is an app may help you with your anxiety. It’s called Headspace. It’s a ten minute meditation and you might find it useful. Good Jack concurring your fears, it ‘ain’t easy, but worth the struggle 😊.

    Love

    Jill xx

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Like

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