second year of university. (reflections)

Well. The end of my second year of university has come, and I have submitted my final EMA, (end of module assessment) and now, it’s a tense wait for my result in July. This year, my marks were not quite what I’d hoped, and not quite up to peoples’ expectations.


Rewind time, and it’s just after the day of first submission, in November, and we now have to wait 10 days for our results. Feverishly, students, including myself, check their inboxes for emails, and a few days later, they start coming through. Nervously, I opened it, and hoped to find a mark higher than last year, as that was my aim. 80. That’s what I wanted. It was sadly, 20 below that. The mark: 60. Sighing with disappointment, I went through the feedback, went through the email, and thought about how I could improve, but the same thing happened with the 2nd assignment. The score, was still 60.


However, things were to take a turn for the worse, with my third. Disaster had struck, as I’d caught a very bad cold, and viral infection, that left me feeling extremely fatigue, and drained. Every time I looked at the assignment question, I just fell asleep within 10 minutes. I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t think about what I was listening to, regarding text from textbooks or audio material. I was totally exhausted. Finally, after having to do the unthinkable for me, which I’ve done before due to similar issues, (ask for an extension) I submitted, and thought, )I’ve done my best, and that’s all I can do) Nervously, I waited for the results.


It was a day where I felt very happy. Things were looking up for me. I had got myself into broadcasting for an internet radiostation, and was learning how to use everything. However, a (Ping) from my iPhone made me turn toward it, and open the important VIP email as the assignment email address is in my VIP list. (Oh no!!  It’s here)  I exclaimed to my friend on Skype who was with me. (I can’t hear this. I know it’s bad. I just know.) Sighing, I looked at the email, and clicked on the link. The result, was a shocking 53. My heart sank; Deeper than it has ever sunk for a while. I’d failed an assignment in my books. I’d not done as good as I’d hoped. I began to sob, sitting next to my laptop, with the page open to download feedback, the result as plain to see. It was so clear for fully sighted people, and accessible for visually impaired people to hear too.  53. Nothing in the room was going to impress or make me happier now, not even the person on Skype trying to comfort me in the fact I’d got a bad score. I didn’t care. I was angry. Defeated, and angry at myself. Could I have been more  disciplined? Put more effort in. Then I remembered, Nana was out and I’d have to tell her. She was not going to be impressed. Immediately, I rang someone who I know extremely well, hoping they would answer. To my relief, they did. I started to tell them, but then broke down when I got to the result. They explained to me it was a pass, that it was above 40, and I shouldn’t worry about it. My grades will dip up and down at times, but that’s just part of study. I don’t want them to dip though. I exclaimed, I want them to be high. The worst part, was telling family. How would they react. To my surprise, they were okay. People tried making excuses for me, like, you weren’t well, but I didn’t buy it. I could have done more. But to be fair, I was falling asleep every 10 minutes or thereabouts.


Throughout the year, my results continued to either be in the 50s or 60s, but never any higher. What’s worrying me, and making me nervous about my next level, level2, as I’m taking on two modules at once (30 credits) is how I’ll do. I need to get my grades higher, and referencing better. I am going to make myself get better at that in the summer, trying to reference things, to not go off topic, answer questions as they should be in essays, if I have an argument to put across in an essay, back it up with appropriate evidence. Attempt to get better at stats, especially SPSS, which for people who don’t know, IS NOT ACCESSIBLE TO SCREEN READER USERS.  Now I just have to keep going,,, keep waiting, and hope that I’ve passed this year too. Good luck to everyone else as well.


About samantha ash

I'm 24 years old, totally blind, and suffer from Epilepsy, which is controlled. My interests include Neurology, Psychology, anything to do with the weather, and other documentaries. I am also a classical singer, though not professional. I am studying towards a degree in Neuropsychology at University of Central Lancashire. I wish eventually, to pursue a career in neurorehabilitation, or in neuropsychology, in order to help those who have sustained traumatic brain injuries, Acquired Brain injuries, stroke, and other neurological conditions. I wish to help them to cope psychologically too, and help them to see the positive side to the life that they have now. As someone with a disability myself, I wish to tell those, "Do not say that you cannot do something. I do not wish to hear that. I wish to hear that you can, and you will succeed." If you enjoy what I post on here, feel free to comment, or contact me on or feel free to like my facebook page. Enjoy reading. :)
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